Tag Archives: New Years Resolution

Today is my birthday

1-25-2016. I’m another year older. Another year clueless. But, I have a more tangible insight as to where my life is going and how I’m getting there. 2015 was not glamorous by any means (besides my trips to the Philippines and to Baltimore with my girls). In fact it was probably one of the worst years of my life, if not the worst. Contrast that to the previous year, 2014, which was undoubtedly the best year of my life. The year of travel, freedom, soulful luxury and wholeness. I felt more sure of my identity than ever before. My end to 2014 and beginning to 2015 were magical. I was able to spend time with some of the people who mean the most to me. For my birthday last year, I got to see some of them in the same room interacting with one another, meeting each other. I love bringing brilliant people together. People I believe in, people who believe in me. After they left I thought about what 2015 would bring; I never felt more unsure in my life. Regardless, I was elated by them caring enough for me to come together and celebrate.

In 2015, I experienced an arduous job searching stupor (still kind of am) which featured very promising interviews and interactions, but outcomes that were only semi-fruitful and not enough. I often felt choked betwixt the layers of reality and fantasy. Doubtful about choosing the necessary evils that would ultimately help me reach my dreams. For the record, I still plan on pursuing an acting career. Where and exactly when I will actively begin my journey is unknown to me (currently leaning towards NYC, who’s with me?). However, I am super close to paying off my student loans and once that happens, I immediately plan on saving enough money to seek the life my soul aches for.

Other things happened last year that I don’t wish to disclose as I don’t wish to reflect on them any further. But I’m praying to God that 2016 is much better. Please God let it be. I now know though, that we’re all on a journey together. I’ve come to realize that I need to constantly work at being who I want to be. It’s not a dream anymore. I’m not a kid in school. It’s become my concrete reality and my youth is gliding on the ice. One of my resolutions for the new year is to say yes to things, invitations, people, I normally would say no to. My world has been too controlled by me thus far. I want to broaden it and my experiences, the depths of my senses and relationships. You never know who you’ll meet or what you’ll learn.

Studying in Jerusalem taught me the importance of being open to opportunities. When I went to my first ever strip club in Tel Aviv, I initially refused because it wasn’t how I imagined my first experience to unfold. I was with two friends and we had just come from swimming in a gym pool- my hair was dry and unkempt, I was wearing the most basic jeans and a pull over hoodie. This was not how I wanted to feel or look entering a strip club for the first time! But I was convined to stay by one of my friend’s friends. As he introduced himself to me, he looked me right in my eyes and shook my hand, he kept his eyes on me and didn’t let go of my hand. I complained to him how crappy I looked. “You’re hot. You should see how the other guys look,” he replied. My jaw dropped on the inside and all of a sudden I felt ready to go 🙂

I guess this birthday blog post is basically about me using lessons I learned in 2014 and 2015 to guide my 2016. Which actually means I should relinquish some control. This year I want to work harder and stay more focused, but it’s time to let things happen! Let happiness happen. Let simplicity happen. Let love happen. Let friendship happen. Let boredom happen. Let it all happen. But then deal with it. Analyze it. Move on. Start over. 12 months to go. I hope I’ll see you there. xo

Resolutions for 2015

Usually I can’t believe the coming of every new year. Last New Year’s Eve I was in Times Square with some fam and when it officially became 2014, it was hard to compute; it still felt like 2013. But when it turned 2015 last night, it felt more natural. I credit this to slow steps into adulthood and my personally intense 2014 replete with growth and soulful innovation. My vision of who I was, what I was capable of, and the possibilities of life expanded enormously this past year. I realized more than ever that life is FAST and that I am entering adulthood against my will and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I will always remain a child at heart, but the real world is enveloping me faster than I can learn to keep up. I must adapt. In order to survive I need to feel OK with it being 2015 and thankfully I am. I don’t remember what my resolutions were for 2014 or if I had any, but it feels like they were complete. In an effort to stimulate my own growth this year and to force myself into thinking more seriously about my future, I’ve created a list of new resolutions to get me to better mental states of happiness and a sense of wholeness.

I’ve started two lists: one for things I want in the new year and another for things I want to try.

What I want for 2015:
To accept my unique Filipino beauty.
A healthy, fit, hot body. (I need to start working out soon and eating healthier)
A job to get a Bugatti.
Kick ass concerts.
Return to Israel for work or maybe the Philippines.
Additional travel to places I’ve never been… Miami? Brazil? Australia? Roadtrips?
Move to LA?
Perform.
Healthy relationships with friends, family.
Grace. not gossip.
Love.
Take chances.
Black jeans, new boots.
New skills: Learn CSS, Arabic, Spanish, more Hebrew.

I want to try:
Yoga.
Meditation.
Miami.
Manila.
Submitting to the New York Times and other publications.
Teaching.
Acting.

Overall, I had a beautifully fulfilling 2014 and I pray 2015 is just as great, if not better. I’ll see where it takes me.

Breaking Away From 2014

MY biggest resolution for 2015 is to get the hell out of my hometown and eventually live independently within the upcoming year. I’ve seen people stuck here and I can’t be one of them. I cannot allow myself to believe that I will end up the same. I have taken the hands of Fate into my own for a while now and I need to continue pushing myself even further. Along with love from God, hard work, and support from my loved ones I’ve been able to live a privileged life of fulfilled dreams. Now that I’ve graduated, it’s my time to fulfill even more. I need to make the moves and go down the road not taken, the one that was destined for me. The one that terrifies me. I no longer have anyone above me telling me what to do with myself. There is no longer any limit to what I can do or decide upon. I no longer live under an institutionalized setting of pre-decided directions. I have complete freedom. With this freedom, I can either wait around and eventually shit on myself with the time wasted or I can start going after the life I deserve. It would kill my free spirit to remain under this house, dependent on my parents for money, dependent on the two hour long transit from here to the city.

In 2015 I’m looking to soar. excite. disturb. dazzle. delight. //
create. perform. transform.

I’ve always been afraid to go out and live in this world because my parents have always placed these restricting intangible limits on my character and painted a harsh and demented picture of the outer world. They have inspired fear and self doubt with little trust in my own gifts since I was a child and their effects still ripple within this moment. I have no desire to bash them in any way and am enormously grateful for what they’ve given me, but in 2015, I crave the freedom to be ME, to do ME, to work on ME without their interior voices constantly haunting me and making me doubt myself. This is the part where I break free on the inside and where I start working on changing my reality.